Self Harm & Self Injury
People come to counselling around self-harm for many different reasons. For some, the behaviour feels frightening or difficult to talk about. For others, it has become a private and often hidden way of coping with life when things feel overwhelming or unmanageable.
Self-harm and self-injury are often spoken about primarily in terms of risk, control, or prevention. While safety is important, these framings can leave little space to understand what the behaviour is actually doing for the individual.
Understanding self-harm and self-injury
I understand self-harm as a way of coping with life, rather than something to be punished, shamed, or treated only as a problem to eliminate.
For many people, self-harm or self-injury develops in response to experiences that feel too much to hold alone. The behaviour can serve different functions: regulating overwhelming feelings, creating a sense of relief, making internal distress visible, or providing a feeling of control when other options feel unavailable.
When the focus remains only on stopping the behaviour, the reasons it exists can be missed. Without understanding the function self-harm serves, attempts at change often feel imposed, fragile, or short-lived.
Living with self-harm behaviours
Living with self-harm often involves secrecy and a great deal of shame. Many people work hard to keep this part of themselves hidden, while also feeling conflicted about continuing.
There can be fear about how others might respond, being judged, misunderstood, or reduced to risk alone. These fears can make it difficult to speak openly, even when part of you wants support.
I don’t view self-harm as a failure. I see it as a sign that something important is trying to be managed or expressed in the only way that currently feels possible.
How I work with self-harm and self-injury
My work with self-harm is grounded in understanding the person and the role the behaviour plays in their life.
Rather than beginning with pressure to stop, I’m interested in exploring what the self-harm or self-injury does for you, when it becomes most present, and what might sit underneath it. I believe that taking the behaviour seriously in this way creates the conditions for meaningful and lasting change.
What this work can involve
Working with self-harm behaviours may involve understanding the function the behaviour serves, exploring what feels difficult to express or hold in other ways, noticing patterns around when self-harm becomes more present, and gradually finding other ways of responding to distress that feel possible.
An invitation
If self-harm or self-injury is something you’re struggling with, you’re welcome to get in touch for an initial conversation.